Saturday, September 18, 2010

Joe Buck and Troy Aikman Pre-Game Report on Bears / Cowboys 9-19-10

Joe:  Good afternoon sports fans.  Troy and I thank you for joining us today from Dallas, where the Chicago Bears face the Cowboys in a game that begins with only one surprise:  the record of both clubs beginning week 2 of the 2010 football season.  

Troy:  Yes Joe.  Everyone here, in this billion dollar stadium, with its luxury suites for all the oilmen and tax-evading citizens, expected to be 1 - 0 for their opening game.  Instead, they disappointed even those whose BP stock plummeted over the last 3 months, by a sub-par performance against their division rivals, the Washington Redskins.  Finally, DC sports fans had something to cheer about, especially after the Washington Capitals blew a lead in what shocked most hockey fans, especially Russian ones.

Joe:  I know Troy.  Most around the league picked the young, GQ Tony Romo over the elder statesman, Donovan McNabb, in the season opener.  Instead, even Rush Limbaugh's racist slur could not contain the new Redskins' QB, whose patience and experience throughout the game surprised many, especially those still in Philadelphia who are now pinning their hopes on a football player whose crime was just getting caught.  Doug Williams must be so proud of the way McNabb is playing.

Troy: Well, Joe. I'd watch my words for all those animal-lovers at this point, but let's get back to the basics.  Cowboy fans can only relish putting the ball in the end zone multiple times today, against a defense which could not defend what everyone knew was a touchdown in the closing seconds of last week's Bears game.  Those in Chicago were also quite shocked, really, that between Mike Martz and Lovie Smith, neither one had their head in the game when they single-covered the best player, Calvin Johnson, on the Detroit Lions.  

Joe:  What WERE they thinking up north?  I mean, really, not since letting Mike Brown go, have they had any success in defending the end zone. We won't even go into letting another Brown go - Alex, that is.   And what WAS that call by Lovie, with 4th and 1?  Really, he would call that play anytime?  How dumb was that?  Seems as if Lovie and Obama are drinking from the same kool-aid. Being calm and collected is a trait with those leaders up there in Chicago.

Troy:  Joe, Joe, let's stay focused on the business at hand today - football. Let's give credit to where it's due. Urlacher brought the defense up to par, and their much maligned offensive line did a nice job in protecting Cutler.  Thankfully for Bear fans, they had another day with just 4 turnovers.  Many in Chicago were hoping that Jonathan Toews presence with Lord Stanley would rub off some lady luck - and it certainly did.  And I'm not talking about Ines Sainz either, for any of you who are following this. 

Joe:  Yes Troy.  It seems as if the officials were still star-struck with the 2010 Hockey Champs when they couldn't even call a TD for the Lions at the end of the game.  What is it with being in Chicago?    It reminds me of when I had the boring responsibility of covering the White Sox in 2005.   I mean, really, the White Sox?  How did the Red Sox, World Series 2004 Champions,  get defeated in a 3 game sweep by just pitching and defense?  And AJ?  How ridiculous was that call by the home plate umpire in game 2 v. the Angels.  He struck out, period.  Done. Are all sports refs mesmerized by the fans in Chicago?  And no one even knew who Obama, Rahm, or Axelrod were at the time - and now look:  ruining our country and appointing women to the Supreme Court?  Can we just have that picture of Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson on the screen?  That's what Cowboy fans really want to see. 

Troy:  Joe,  I know you're trying to play to the base here, but if I may:  word has it that you never liked the White Sox, and always seemed to rarely note their great playing and 4 complete games by their outstanding pitching staff.   What about giving a little credit to Mark Buehrle, in one of his finest performances vs. the Angels that night, and Joe Crede hitting the game winning RBI in the 9th?  As I recall, you continued to come back to AJ's strike out during the entire World Series games against the Houston Astros at Enron Field, oh, I mean, Minute Maid Park.   Are we showing a little southern cooking here? 

Joe:  Troy, of all people, I'd think you would be more appreciative to Texas and its fans, who gave you your career.  But in any case, I'd say the Cowboys are aiming to prove that the Southern football teams will beat the Northern ones on any given Sunday.  Look at the Super Bowl of last year.  I mean, New Orleans certainly made us proud.  

Troy:  But Joe, as I see it, Texans can spend one billion dollars on a new football stadium, but when it came to helping their neighbors in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, where were they then?  No wonder their state government meets every 2 years, instead of yearly.  They're too drunk on all their money and beer to even care about anyone but themselves.  Mollie Ivens is rolling over in her grave at this point.  Gratitude?  I guess I'd have to say that I can take you down as a football analyst any day of the week. Rupert Murdoch and his FOX Sports Network are just into their money making, period.  He, and Rush, and Beck, are probably sitting in one of these luxury suites as we speak, with the Bush family, of course, laughing all the way to every bank they own  - and oil well, whether by land or by sea.  

Joe:  Troy, it's my turn to bring you back into the game here.  So,  before we go to our sponsors, I would like to add that the analysts all look to DeMarcus Ware to cut the Bears offensive line in half today.  Chicago simply has no answer to the best defensive lineman in the league. 

Troy:  While I happen to agree with you,  I can't help notice how all these years Chicago's sports teams have dominated their Texan counterparts:  The Bulls, The White Sox, and the Blackhawks.  While I know that the Cowboy fans were happy to see Cutler leave Denver, I assume they're itchin' to take him and the Bears down today.  Well, as Chris Berman says:  That's why they play the games!

Joe:  Thank you Troy for that comment.  But one last question:  why haven't you mentioned the Chicago Cubs here?

Troy:  Honestly Joe, what would you have me say about an organization that chooses to put a yellow plastic noodle statue in front of their stadium?

Joe:  You've got a point there, at least something we can agree upon. And now to our game day sponsors:  BP and Toyota.

1 comment:

  1. that was really funny. the last line was my favorite part of the whole post. :)